he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
