He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
