dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
