I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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