I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
