Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
