We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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