I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
