I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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