can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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