Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
