"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
