so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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