just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
