I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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