I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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