remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
