non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
