i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
