Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
