i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
