how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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