I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
