Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
