One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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