You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
