Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
