When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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