I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
