you have to choose: penises or morals?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
