I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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