put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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