If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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