found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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