fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
