I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
