so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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