i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize