beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
