I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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