Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.