and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
