You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
