Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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