I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
