Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Randomize
