i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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