Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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