just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
