His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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