So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need to align my fucking chakras
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I party with great urgency now.
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