i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
