if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
