He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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