Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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