so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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