I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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