I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
