Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
