the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
