Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
