just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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